I haven’t expressed any of my feelings towards this subject, so here we go...
Shit... how did this happen? How is it that the world completely shut down? This virus comes out of nowhere and completely fucks up my business itinerary for 2020. To be honest, at first, I thought this was a joke. I would see the articles and videos of the cases in other countries but I never thought it would hit home. I mean, I’m from the city that doesn’t sleep. And some way, somehow it got rocked with a lullaby that we still have no cure for.
Mid-February, cases started accumulating in New York and many businesses and facilities started to shut down. Only essential workers would be allowed to work. This meant No Poetry Slams, Spas, Sports, Restaurants, seeing family or friends - NOTHING! Quarantine was in full-effect and social distancing started to take over.
Not only did I have to deal with this worldwide pandemic, but I had to work remotely. I was not prepared. I had just moved to my new condo and was not equipped to work from home.
It was frustrating to have to give up comfortable office space - my big adjustable desk (that held my multiple screens and family picture frames), my comfy chair and a view of Manhattan's beautiful skyline - to now having to work on a small laptop from a hard foldable chair and a dinner table. How can anyone produce anything under these circumstances? I was miserable.
The hardest part was not being able to have my family near me. Of course, FaceTime began to be a daily thing, but there’s nothing like getting a hug from the people you love the most. My anxiety began to heighten when I started receiving calls from friends who started to lose their parents. At one point, it was back to back nonstop bad news.
I had no schedule in order. I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I just wanted to sleep all day. But sleeping doesn’t pay the bills so I would work but only accomplish the bare minimum. I am an overachiever, and not being able to provide the same results took a toll on my confidence. Every day I felt like I was losing the battle, blow after blow.
I felt depressed. I wasn’t eating healthy, and some days I wouldn’t eat at all. Amongst other things happening in my living space, I felt like I was in such a dark place, breaking down and crying constantly. I knew this wasn’t who I was.
One day I just started viewing my old videos. Where was she - the happy me? The person who always kept pushing? The person who didn’t allow circumstances to box her in? I’m tearing up while writing this because it was such a hopeless feeling that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I needed to take this feeling away.
So, in true Mave form, I went back to the fundamentals - the good ol' pen and marble notebook. At first, I didn’t know what to write. I actually just scribbled and drew some cartoons. And then it just happened. I started filling pages with what I was feeling. I began writing what I wanted to change and at that point, I remembered this video:
I started watching it and noticed that I had the solution in my hand: my diary. I wrote what was wrong and why I wanted to change it, failing to realize I had also written ways on how to do so.
Slowly but surely I started to change my days. At first, I was just writing on a daily basis. Then I started waking up earlier, and that motivated me to start jumping rope and drinking a little more water.
It took me about two months to rebuild a complete regime and schedule. I also put a lot of elbow grease into my place and turned it into the best restaurant/nightclub for those days I need a break from my schedule. Sometimes it's not where you are, but it's what you make of it.
I am truly happy to say I overcame that feeling. And yes we are still in the middle of a pandemic and I have come to terms with it at my own pace. I realized the best part of isolation was recreating my environment and not stressing about the things I couldn’t control. So this is a REMINDER: Be happy and control the controllable.
So now that I think about it, yes - a lot has changed for 2020, but one thing that can’t change, no matter the year, is reminding myself of my peace and happiness.
EDITED BY Adena baichan